new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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