Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
