i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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