So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
