He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
In America we eat man semen.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
