I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
