Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
