pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
