my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well I just put wine in my tea
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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