i can't believe i had my finger in that
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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