I just threw up on my dentist
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
