You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So many bounce houses so little time
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
