She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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