matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
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i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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