I'm so fucking centered right now
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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