this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
