no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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