I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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