i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
