u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
