They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
