i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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