bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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