You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
