I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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