with your own penis?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
