I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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