I only kidnapped one of them. chill
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
