You can't motorboat a personality
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
