Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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