did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
