shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
