I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
