you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
His nipple licking is glorious
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