I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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