Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
