I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
