I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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