i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
