u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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