I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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