I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
