Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
