i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
