cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
