found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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