U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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