Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
