I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
