That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
