Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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