so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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