I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize