My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
