if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
