I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
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She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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