i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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