dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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