Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
