I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
