Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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