Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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