Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
