i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
