it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
