mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
