just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
