her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
