Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
