Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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