I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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